Birth can be the most powerful – or traumatizing – experience in a man’s life.
What? You mean women.
The men either fail or succeed as supporters of this experience.
Why should we talk about men?
In many places all over the world women giving birth don’t even have access to medical care. In others they do. What women need more than anything during birth or not, is a loving accepting empowering environment. And that is rare. Women are treated as patients, subject to medical advice whether they actually need it or not. It is generally assumed that any pregnant woman needs orientation from ‘experts’, hence implying that she is the last person to know anything about her own pregnancy. It’s ridiculous.
A lot – as in A LOT – needs to happen to change these dynamics and return the power to its origin: the woman giving birth.
So, again: why do I talk about men here?
Men, especially those who fully participate in the pregnancy and birth, do have experiences. They feel excited, anxious, exhilarated, repulsed, overwhelmed, insecure, joyful, resentful, guilty, ashamed, fascinated, elevated, depressed. Just like we do.
As long as we operate from a place of scarcity, we cannot create a more positive environment. There is space for women and men to be empowered, loved and held during pregnancy and birth. We need to move away from the fear that listening to what happens inside the father places another burden on the mother, another expectation or that it takes away the attention from mother and child. There is enough space for all of us.
It’s time to create loving environments for all: mothers, fathers, babies.
The Father’s Lounge is for aspiring and new fathers, who need a space to share their experience. All those feelings, thoughts and fears that seem to have to place, that you ‘shouldn’t have’ or think are inappropriate, invalidating or unmanly, have their home here. In a group of maximum six men you can unpack your experience, share, celebrate, heal and find full support and acceptance.
Over the course of three months, you get to understand what happens for you, where those feelings are coming from and how they serve you. You are able to let go of frames that imprison you, beliefs that serve you no longer and break taboos that block your healing.
This is for you if
- You and your partner are planning (or even struggling) to have a child, are pregnant or just had a child;
- You have experiences, feelings and thoughts that you find difficult to share with those around you;
- You feel overwhelmed by the expectations you and others place on you;
- You are ready to deconstruct your ego (don’t worry, we’ll leave some of it) and create another vision of who you are;
- You are willing to hold the space for others and enter the space they hold for you;
- You are committed to show up with curiosity, an open mind and without judgment.
This is NOT for you if
- You believe that you are the victim of an unjust world;
- You want advice on how to change people around you;
- You are looking for a place to bash women or anyone else;
- You expect a quick fix without doing the work.
About Me
I am Julia Pereira Dias, wife of a powerful man from the Amazon rainforest and mother of three young girls.
Giving birth to my first daughter was an overwhelmingly beautiful experience for me, despite the pain, the poo, the exhaustion. It was also terrifying for my husband. As he said: “I never thought a woman could scream so much.” He also experienced post-natal depression. I didn’t. It took him a long time to overcome and when he did, it was when we returned to the Amazon and he was able to work physically again in his beloved forest. He found his roots again. His experience does not change mine. It does not invalidate mine. It deserves its space, the love, the acceptance, the healing that all traumas deserve.
Allowing him to acknowledge his trauma, accept it, embrace it and heal it, has empowered him to be an amazingly present father, passionate husband and to experience a powerful, positive birth experience when our third child was born.
Our second daughter came three weeks earlier than the ‘experts’ determined, so my husband was still in Brazil at the time. My father had taken me to the midwife’s home and decided to stay there, as it was in the middle of the night. I had forgotten all about him, munching on cookies in the corner, when the midwife suggested he’d hold me “since you’re here anyways”. A bit startled I wondered whether it was awkward to have my father assist my birth, but then I was happy to be held by him.
It was an incredibly transforming experience for my father. You see, when I was born more than forty years ago, my father wasn’t even allowed into the ward. He had to stay outside, while my mother was in agony, mistreated by doctors and midwives until they performed an emergency C-section, told her to be grateful for not having died and applied an injection to her without her knowledge or consent that prevented her from breastfeeding me even one single time.
As my father held me, he began to understand what had happened so long ago.
None of this was planned. All of it mattered.
My vision is to surrender to life and consciousness. My mission is to invite those who seek and have courage to walk with me.
FAQ
A safe space for men led by a woman?
I know what judgment is. I used to judge men. I survived sexual violence and for a big part of my life considered myself to have ‘earned the right’ to judge men. Only when I realized that I was the one perpetuating the violence against myself and against men, I was able to let go of the pain.
I hear you. I see you. I have replaced judgment with curiosity. And I can offer you the perspective of a woman caught in her own fears and pain while coming from a place of peace and acceptance.
How much is the cost and what is included?
Your investment is €3.000 for three months. We meet every week for 90 minutes. You also have access to a private fb group where you can share your thoughts and experiences and interact with the other members and me, of course.
What happens after the three months?
Minimum commitment is three months. After that, if the group wants to continue, the program can be extended on a monthly basis. If you want to continue alone, you can sign up for 1:1 sessions or join a new cohort. In any case, whether or not your group continues, you keep access to your fb group.
Can my wife/girlfriend join the calls.
No. This is the space for you to express all those things you wouldn’t want anyone around you to hear.