When your close ones doubt you: best lessons to be learned

doubts and energy

Last time, I wrote about the failing cheerleaders and how their lack of support reflects their own fears and pains. This time, let’s have a look at how their doubts reflect OUR own energy of fears and pains.

The great Lenka Lutonska just related how a few years ago, when she was building up her second business, she was working hard every day to make it work. Things were not really bad, but they were far from good either. Her husband, who had been very supportive in the beginning, began to lose it. His comments, which were coming more and more frequently, were not exactly encouraging: “Why don’t you just give up?” “I guess if this business was supposed to work out for you, it would have done so already, don’t you think?” until he finally threw the “you’re selfish” knock-out at her.

She contemplated divorce. Then she decided to remove her focus from him to herself. And discovered that his doubts, his frustration and his pain was a perfect reflection of what was going on within her own mind. The moment she began working on herself, re-directing her energy and grow her confidence again with the support of those, who believed in her, everything changed. She knew she was going to make it. And, boy, did she make it!

Energy

Everything about her emanates that energy, that confidence, that knowledge. And once again, her husband picked up on it and now reflects it back. He’s her number one supporter again.

What sounds like a fairy-tale is a matter of energy. No woowoo. No “this happens only to others”. Try it out. Get support from people, who believe in you. Join a like-minded group or initiate your own. Join a mastermind, hire a coach, find a mentor, engage your friends. Support is there. When you are willing to accept that it might currently not come from where you most expected it, you’ll find it. Sometimes from people you least expected it from.

I remember when I first set out, I asked a family, friends and colleagues to give me feedback on myself to help me with a comprehensive assessment. While most of my closest friends and family responded immediately, some people I had expected to support me, never even replied to my request. To my surprise, though, some people, who I had not expected much, took some great time and dedication to give me a detailed, honest and very valuable feedback.

Many years ago I read somewhere that “grief rewrites your address book”. Today I can say, so does courage and success. So, be open. Get support and build your confidence. Then see what happens with those around you.

Doubts and reflection

And here is another final aspect. It’s called authenticity. In my early stages of growing my business, I read and listened to lots of advice and other people’s experience. It has helped me an incredible lot! Then there was advice that sounded really helpful, useful and impressive. I decided to follow it, ignoring a soft hum inside me that said “mmmmh, dunno.” I proudly communicated to my family that this was my strategy. They smiled politely and said “well, maybe that’s how things are done.” Their faces said “mmmmh, dunno.” I felt a bit down for the lack of enthusiasm, but decided they just didn’t know and went ahead. And failed.

Then I listened again to my own voice. And it spoke clearer this time: “This may be good advice. But not for you. Not at this time. You know what to do.” I did what I knew to do. And my failure turned into success. When I told my family about it, their enthusiasm was tangible. And they confirmed what my own voice had told me. Because they knew what was me and what was someone else’s strategy.
So, when you see the doubt in their eyes and their behavior: be honest with yourself. Where is your own doubt? Where are your fears? Once you remove them or confidently know how to handle them, you’ll see them disappear from your loved ones’ faces.

If their resistance is greater than that, refer to The dilemma of the failing cheerleaders.

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